Twice is enough

It's happened twice.

The first time, I was hanging by a thread. Actually, a really strong and solid cord, looking down at my father in law and Emily waving from a great distance. My heart started pounding, my vision blurred, my lungs lacked the ability to obtain the proper amount of oxygen which caused my brain to run away with thoughts about who would take care of my sweet daughter with the death of her two parents. Complete panic gripped me as the Skycoaster cord released and I was sure I would become road kill. The cord tightened and I knew I would survive. The last time I had experienced the Skycoaster I had an overwhelming sensation of endorphins, it also might have been influenced by the fact that I was infatuated at the time with Bart and would have gone and done anything with him. This time I only felt relief that my life was not over and that my Emily would not be orphaned.

The second time, we were in the kiddie land at Lagoon with my two girls. That's really the only place you'll find me on our family Lagoon outings and maybe an occasional splash at Lagoon a beach. It occurred to me that I wasn't pregnant this year and maybe I could go on a big person ride with Bart, like we used to. The line for the ride "Wicked" was reasonable so we left our two daughters with their "Papa" and set out. As the line progressed I became more and more anxious. My self talk went something like this "Collette, you've been on this ride before it's not a big deal. I'd then respond to myself with "Yes it is a big deal what if when they shoot me straight up I just keep going." By the time they strapped me in I was a nervous wreck. It was too late to back out so I just took a breath and told myself it will be over soon. Soon enough it was over. I was disappointed that the only emotion I felt was relief.

I've come to the conclusion that it's not any fun to "thrill seek" when you don't fell the thrill anymore.