One of my greatest weaknesses is when life gets overwhelmed I become a very critical and naggy wife. I tend to blame it on Bart and think he should take it all way. I'm still learning to hold back because Bart has a very strong will and sensitive side that does not respond well to me when I become a "pick me" girl like my teenagers would say or basically I start whining and he says it makes him feel like a dirt bag and he pulls away from me.
The week before Bart and my 20th anniversary was a particular stressful time and I kept picking at Bart to do more, help more, control more and carry more of the mental load. It was bad and he was backing away from me every chance he could. It came to a head on Feb. 19th and we both let out a lot of frustration on each other and both went to bed mad.
So I left for work the morning of our anniversary and purposefully didn't say anything to Bart thinking we should both just forget about this important day. Around lunchtime I thought about humbling myself and sending a loving text to him about this special day but my stubbornness wouldn't let me. I didn't hear from him so I figured he was still mad at me or completely forgot. I came home from work and got busy getting the house and an early dinner ready before Emily's concerto program. Bart was in his office working and I didn't think much about making up. That was until I went into my bedroom to get ready for the Emily's special night and found a box with a card on it that said "Lettie." I stopped and opened a beautiful happy anniversary card and inside it was simply signed I love you, Bart- 20 years!!! Inside the box was a brand new paint brush. The feeling of love was so strong and I felt so bad that I didn't do anything for Bart that the only expression I could think was "I hate you for not letting me hate you!!!
So here is to 20 things I hate about Bart that makes me love him so......
1. I hate how Bart is the best at throwing me for a loop. I'm such an overthinker it's hard to surprise me. When we were talking about marriage I brought up dates that would work with my teaching schedule and was ready let the planning begin. Bart so casually ho hummed about maybe sometime why hurry la de da. This made me so furious that he didn't seem the need to move quickly and I started to cry and the night ended badly. The next day when he showed up with a large boutique of flowers I thought he felt bad for making me cry. Little did I know that he was carrying the most beautiful diamond ring in his pocket, we hadn't even shopped for a ring yet, and when he got down on his knee at Baskin Robbins all I could respond with was "Where did you get a ring." He played it well and I had no idea it was coming.
2. I hate that Bart has the best one liners. He doesn't tell dad jokes and doesn't come across as a comedian but that is what makes him hilarious because you never know if he is serious. He often walks by his kids and says something subtle with a bit of dry humor that lets his kids know he loves them. His classic line whenever we finally all load up in the car is "we are off like a heard of turtles." Yesterday I asked him to ask Jane to do something I knew she wouldn't want to do. His response "that will go over as well as a sneaky fart in church"
3. I hate that Bart sleeps like a log most nights. I often wake up at 3:30 stressing about everything I can't control and sometimes I can settle down listening to Bart's steady breathing and know everything is safe with him. He readily trusts me and my kids. One night Emily fell asleep at a friends house and I woke up around 4 and was startled to see the entry way lights on. I got out of bed, found Emily's room vacant tried to call her without success and quickly looked up life360 to see where she was. I was relieved and mad that she was still at her friends house. I woke up Bart to see if we should go gather her up. He said "I"m sure she just fell asleep. We can deal with it in the morning" He promptly rolled over and was asleep within seconds. I just tossed and turned until I heard her sneak in around 7. I got up and questioned her and sure enough Bart was right it was a classic case of watching a movie and drifting off until she woke up around 6:30.
4. I hate that Bart lives in moment more than I do. When Emily was just a baby I was saying our nightly prayers. I remember praying that we would do everything to help Emily grow and develop. I said Amen and Bart said "Can't we just let her be a baby." He's always been the best to embrace the moment and enjoy the small things cuddles with his kids.
5. I hate that Bart isn't a typical guy who wants to solve all my problems. In fact he does exactly what all the books say for guys to do. He listens and asks follow up questions and rarely tells me what to do. If I say just tell me what I should he's classic answer is "Do you think this will make you more happy." or It's up to you, I don't know what to tell you.
6. I hate that Bart is the most introverted extrovert around (As Emily likes to describe him). I lean toward introverted myself and sometimes wish I could sit back in a crowd and let Bart do all the talking. Most of the time he feels the same way so we have to trade off who has to be friendly. Other times he has no problem being Mr. Extrovert. He'll approach anybody for an autograph and knows our mailman who seems kind of onry by name and will stop the car in the middle of the road just to say Hi Austin, how is your day going. At church he's a celebrity amongst the Deacons, who many of them are very socially awkward, they go out of their way to say Hi Bart and talk to him.
7. I hate that Bart treats me like a capable person. I know I can always depend on him when I'm in a bind but if I just want to be "babied" Bart lets me know I can do it. For instance, the civic we used to drive did not ding to let you know you left your lights on. More often than I'd like to admit I would turn off the car around twilight time, come back at dark and the battery would be dead. Once I was shopping at the Park City outlets about 25 minutes away from our house in sugar house. I came out of the store and found my car's battery dead. I called up Bart and said "Bart could you drive up here and rescue me please? He said there's some jumper cables in your truck. Go ask someone walking by to help you? I whined a little that I didn't want to do ask someone but he said you'll be ok call me when you leave. I had to be daring and asked a nice gentleman to help and he was more than happy to help and soon I was off with a charged battery.
8. I hate that Bart has faith the everything will work out. He doesn't fret about the small stuff he just goes forward with a faith that calms the storms.
9. I hate that I married a guy that is 6' 5" and I can't wear heals. Goals for the next life I guess.
10. I hate that Bart is more detailed oriented than me. Sometimes it's a good thing like when we were measuring for blinds and getting each window to fit just right. Other times the big picture is better. For instance we had a big weed patch on the east side of our backyard when we first moved in. It was a big job. Bart would go out and pick at it for a few hours here focusing on each weed. I could look at the big picture of what needed to be done and finally after a few years decided it was beyond our scope and I hired it out and in a weekend they cleared and replanted grass. It's good to have both perspectives in a marriage.
11. I hate when Bart's stubbornness kicks in and he digs his heals in won't listen to reason. When Jane was born our family car was a 2002 civic with a tiny backseat. Car seats take up so much leg space in a back seat, especially when faced backward. Bart being so tall has to put the seat as far back as possible when driving, leaving no room for the infant car seat to face backward. The only way it would fit in the car was behind the passenger seat which had to be moved forward with the back tilted slightly toward the windshield. Every time we went anywhere as a family in that car I complained about how uncomfortable it was to sit in the tilted forward position and that it was time for a bigger car. Bart wouldn't listen to reason and said it was fine! I finally put my foot down and said you sit here then and tell me it's so comfortable. I laugh at memories of me driving and Bart's long torso squished forward and tilted up toward the windshield. I hoping to prove my point would say "Comfortable isn't it?" Bart stubbornly replied "It's not bad. I can handle it." For the next year until it was legal to turn the car seat around I drove and Bart squished himself into that passenger seat. No way was he going to admit I was right and we needed a bigger car.
12. I hate that Bart and frankly all my kids do mental math so fast. It comes in handy, especially in Mexico when there was a lot brain power to convert Pesco's to Dollars. I guess it stems from having a dad/grandpa as an accountant.
13. I hate it when Bart lines up behind me when our family goes outside and plays a game of speed basketball. I don't last long in the game when that happens.
14. I hate that Bart is so strong. He makes opening food jars and stanley cups look like a breeze. It's annoying when I get in my rearranging moods that I get myself in a pickle, like the time I couldn't handle my piano room anymore and got the old couch stuck in the doorway and had to go ask him for help.
15. I hate that Bart never gets sick of Sam's club pizza. If ever we need to grab a quick meal for the family he suggests nasty Sam's club pizza. Oh and it has to be the 3 meat topping. Yuck!
16. I hate that Bart never throws up. I have honestly never seen him throw up. He hasn't for at least 20 years. All of us can be puking up all over the place or worshipping the porcelain gods and he only gets indigestion.
17. I hate that Bart only has to tell our kids once that he wants them to do something. They don't negotiate, argue and complain of unfairness with him. They just do it. Seriously how does he have such power!!
18. I hate that Bart will make a tedious yet amazing cake roll around Christmas time and then delivers them to special people in the ward and neighborhood yet magically forgets how to cook right after and tells me he can't cook anything except pasta and Hunt's spaghetti sauce. hmmm..........
19. I hate when I'm really mad at him and want to fight and he will come hug me and say "Love you lettie". Nothing shuts down a fight faster.
20. Lastly, I hate that he is a dang good painter but won't concede to paint my bedroom so I can get rid of the poop brown color from the early 2000's. That was until he gave me the greatest surprise of a present, a box with a paintbrush, on our 20th annivesary.
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